Manners, people, manners!
When was the last time you didn't bother to call back to someone who called you earlier? Did you just "forget" to answer to that sms you received an hour, a day or a week ago? Or stood someone up without a warning? Was that you who simple stared back without greeting to that poor person brave enough greeting you at the street? Or perhaps you just arrived late and let other people wait for you once again?
A list like this could go on and on. I'm so sick and tired of people who seems to be lacking all the basics of good manners. And with good manners I mean responding to other people's greetings and other means of social communication whether it's done f-2-f, by phone or email. It's a polite way to communicate and it shows you respect other people; they matter to you.
Of course there's different codes of behaviour depending on the situation you're on, and also my own behaviour is altered by the circumstances e.g. how well I know the person I'm dealing with. For example, I don't expect a certain friend of mine to call me back since he assumes others to call again if they have something important to share with. I also know better than expecting another friend of mine to arrive anywhere on time - she's pathological.
But these are exceptions and restricted only to people I know. In my book, it's more unpolite to e.g. arrive late if you don't know the person too well or at all. It might have something to do with me being a control freak (just ask my flatmates and I think they will agree with this to a certain extend) but mostly it's because I think people should respect others.
I really don't see how it's so difficult to answer that sms or call or simply greet back to that stranger at the street. What's the harm done there? It would only take a few minutes of your time. Sometimes it takes even more time and energy to try and avoid things - e.g. some of the people I went high school with rather cross the street in order to avoid the situation where they have to communicate others. Strange, right?
I dunno whether this problem is more to do with Finland and the Finns or is it the zeitgeist of the times we're living. Are people so wrapped up in themselves they couldn't care less about anyone else? Is social communication really that difficult? I would like to believe it's not a Finnish thing to do, not to mention the way people in Helsinki communicate. Since if it is I might have to start considering moving abroad or worse, stop communicating altogether...
posted by Minkki @ Tuesday, November 25, 2008
5 Comments:
Well, unfortunately, a lot of it is Finnish. I remember several occasions of trying to explain Finnish behaviour, for example: "Well, if a stranger greets you on the street or in a bus or whatever, Finnish people find it a bit strange and do not answer, necessarily." Reply: "Why?!? They don't think it's rude?". And greeting here is normally something more than just "hi", such as "hi, how are you?" or "hi, how was your day?".
But returning calls or answering to SMS - that might be universal, for those people with bad manners at least...it is incredibly rude, I agree. Yet, I know that sometimes you are just too busy and forget although you didn't really mean to. It's tricky. But very annoying, in any case!
I like the friendly Americans. Although it is mostly superficial, it is still nice to be noted as a person, not just a ghost in the street. Try to hang on with the unsocial Finns...
Who made the rule that an SMS, not to mention a call, should be answered if there was no questions included? It is the first caller who has something to say, not I. For me, this is a similar issue to the "come here, I need to talk to you" -one: the person who wants to talk to me, can walk to me. This is only polite.
I assumed that here there would be questions included. I also often don't reply to SMS if they don't imply the need to reply :) But yes, calls should be returned! It's a bit more complicated in Finland because people tend not to leave messages in the answering machine - in the US it's normal to leave messages, really long ones, too! Now when I'm used to it, I'll have to start leaving messages in Finland, too :)
Well, this is great! Riikka is fighting my battles :D
And she is right, on both accounts. I was actually talking about the sms which include questions (and I was pretty sure it would be you, Teemu, who would make that comment if any...) and also, I do think it's unpolite to not to return calls.
I don't like calling people several times. Firstly, since you cannot know the situation the other person is, and secondly, it looks like an emergency. At least I get that impression when finding several phone calls from the same person waiting for me.
Minna, if your reason for demanding other people calling back is "I don't like calling people several times" I'm pretty sure my "I don't like calling people at all" is valid as well.
I keep my own phone always on a silent mode, so my phone does not ring and bother me or other people. So in my case the caller dont have to worry whether (s)he is disturbing or not :)
And if there is an emergency and the other person won't answer, you can always send an SMS and write what has happened, right? Besides, I have had a cell phone for thirteen years now, and nobody has ever called me because of a real emergency. With statistics like that I will not change my phone behaviour so that someone does not have to call me twice.
The fact that it is the original caller who has something to say remains, so in my opinion it is his/her job to make sure the message gets through. At least that's what I do if I have something important to say. And if it is not important, who cares?
I have adapted this kind of system because I do not wish to be telephone's slave. It works for me and I see no reason to change it. And manners? Well, to me good manners include respect towards other people's habits. So bear with me, as I do with you.
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